your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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