he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
