A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize