I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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