You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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