If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
