he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
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Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
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No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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