Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
