I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
