Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
