I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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