You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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