Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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