Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
