i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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