Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
