you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
