Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
