i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
