She is in my trunk
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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