hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
