It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
