pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Farmville is her only friend.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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