I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
