Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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