just come out here and I will go home with you...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
