Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
