I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
