she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
4 words: hood of his car
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
