I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
