i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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