i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
