apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
