Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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