I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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