I bet he comes in French.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
