Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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