I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
