I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
