You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
