Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
