Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
