I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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