Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
