My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
