He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
