after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
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This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
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You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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