We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
