let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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