this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
