Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
