You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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