so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize