I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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