I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
