Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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