So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
