I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i've created a new STD.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
