My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
