If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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