Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
