she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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